About Your Future Baby

As you can see from the image above, I have received a shocking glimpse into the world of tomorrow…I have seen your Future Baby.

Facts about your Future Baby:

  • Your Future Baby is ANGRY. When Future Baby cries, it USUALLY cries tears of anger. Have you ever seen angry tears? THEY LOOK LIKE SAD TEARS. You will always SECOND GUESS whether your Future Baby is ANGRY OR SAD.
  • FUTURE BABY DOES NOT RUST. FUTURE BABY IS MADE OF STAINLESS STEEL and some sort of laser bullshit I don’t understand.
  • Future Baby sees through you when you say you like the original Tron. Your Future Baby knows that you haven’t seen Tron since you were little, and you barely remember anything from the movie. DO NOT LIE TO FUTURE BABY.
  • Future Baby changes its own diapers. It would seem that if Future Baby has the ability to change its own diapers, it would not need diapers in the first place, but Future Baby LIKES TO KEEP A SENSE OF MYSTERY.
  • Your Future Baby gets Future Colic. ALWAYS ROCK IT. And make sure to rock Future Baby gently, or IT WILL STRIKE.
  • Future Baby WILL OUTLIVE YOU. In this way it is much like a Past Baby, but DO NOT tell your Future Baby that because it will GET ANGRY (or possibly sad; see TEARS, above).

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