The Bachelor and the Proto-Microwave: Welsh Rarebit

Baked bean rarebit

I’m stoked to announce that I’m writing a new column for Table Matters called “Forgotten Foods.” Every month, I’ll be featuring a different recipe (or family of recipes) that used to be popular but, for whatever reason, has fallen out of favor. You can expect: old cookbook weirdness, delicious recipes, and a lot of butter and cream.

The first piece is about a mega-delicious, late-1800s bachelor food that gave people absolutely batshit dreams. I am not making this up. Ladies and gentlemen, get ready to experience the glory of Welsh rarebit.

New Piece on Huffington Post: The 10 Types of Guys You Should Never Date!!!!!

LADIES, omg there are so many awful guys we have to watch out for!!!!! Thankfully, I have detailed them all for you in a new piece on the Huffington Post.

Banana Pants™

Thank you for your interest in BANANA PANTS™: The ONLY organic, fair-trade pants MADE OUT OF LEFTOVER BANANA PEELS that also DO NOT INCLUDE SPIDERS.

Why BANANA PANTS™? Why not buy from one of our competitors, who offer organic, fair-trade pants made out of banana peels at lower prices? Because our competitors are NOT able to guarantee that their pants are spider-free! You can pay less…or you can pay for QUALITY: The quality of NOT HAVING SPIDERS!

How do we GUARANTEE that our BANANA PANTS™ are the best product on the market AND do not have spiders?

FIRST we take the highest-quality organic, fair-trade banana peels and carefully pound them into a cotton-like fabric that’s breathable, light, and wrinkle-resistant!

NEXT we sew the pants with a double-stitch, ensuring that they’re durable enough to last a lifetime!

THEN we set the pants out to attract the hundreds of spiders that they inevitably do!

But here’s the BANANA PANTS™ difference — we remove every single spider by hand through our own unique, artisinal spider-removal process!

And BANANA PANTS™ is an anti-cruelty, zero-waste company. All spiders we remove are carefully packaged and shipped to the poor, who always need free stuff.

Help the environment — help the poor — help yourself to a great pair of spider-free BANANA PANTS™.

City Health Advisory: Fancy Cockroaches

fancy_roach

I have a new piece up on The Big Jewel today: City Health Advisory: Fancy Cockroaches.

Cocktails With Stan: The Browncoat

Last year, I had the opportunity to develop drink recipes for Cocktails With Stan, an awesome little YouTube interview show where Stan Lee and Jenna Busch talk with people of geeky fame. Unfortunately, they didn’t end up posting the recipes with the videos. But! I’ll be sharing a few of them here.

The Browncoat

Screenshot from Cocktails With Stan

From the Nathan Fillion episode.

In honor of Firefly, an old west cocktail any Browncoat would be proud to drink.

  • 1 shot bourbon whiskey
  • 4 oz. root beer or sarsaparilla
  • A few dashes of angostura bitters

Pour the bourbon and bitters over ice in a lowball glass; top with the root beer. Shiny!

Come See Both of My Sketch Groups in the LA Scripted Comedy Fest

My lack of sleep is your gain! This week both of my sketch groups — Bone Mouth and DJ Faucet — are performing in the LA Scripted Comedy Fest.

Join us:

DJ Faucet (Performing a Best-of Set in the Sketch Cagematch)
Thursday, March 21 at 11 p.m. on the Mainstage
$5

Bone Mouth (Performing New Sketches and Old Favorites)
Friday, March 22 at 9:30 p.m. in the Del Close Theater
$10

Both shows are at iO West, 6366 Hollywood Blvd, Los Angeles.

Two Weeks in a Row of DJ Faucet Shows

My iO West headliner sketch team, DJ Faucet, has new sketches for the viewing public two weekends in a row! One of these has insanely rehearsed choreography. This sketch MAY OR MAY NOT knock your socks off (if it doesn’t, it’s probably because getting your socks knocked off is physically unlikely, and not because the sketch isn’t awesome — it is).

SO COME SEE US:

  • Sunday, February 24 at 10 p.m.
  • Sunday, March 6 at 7:30 p.m.

Both shows are $5, or you can get 2-for-1 tickets if you show this blog post at the box office (either printing it out or on your phone).

iO West is at 6366 Hollywood Blvd., Los Angeles, CA

And hey, just look at how awesome we are:

New Bone Mouth Video: Hi, I Didn’t Notice You There

Allow me to present a new video from one of my sketch comedy groups, Bone Mouth. Because sometimes, your reality just breaks down.

Fakes: An Anthology of Fake Texts (That Mentions Me!)

fakes_coverI’m very pleased to note that one of my McSweeney’s pieces, The San Diego Snake Company’s September Newsletter, was featured in the “Further Reading” section of Fakes, a new anthology of…well, fake things. David Shields and Matthew Vollmer pulled together work from awesome people like George Saunders, and I highly recommend picking up a copy.

 

 

3 Pancake Recipes to Test Your Relationship

three-pancakes-relationship-2_webI have a new article up on Relish, 3 Pancake Recipes to Test Your Relationship. While the personal content of the article is a little…erhm, outdated at this point, the recipes are every bit as delicious. I mean, cornmeal pancakes with maple-rhubarb sauce? Come on. So good.

Photo: Mark Boughton Photography / styling by Teresa Blackburn, via Relish

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