I’ve been performing this with DJ Faucet for almost two years as a stage sketch, and it’s one of my favorite things I’ve written. If you like DARKNESS, this is for you. If you do not like darkness, THIS IS ALSO FOR YOU.
I am writing in regard to your line of “REDUCED-GUILT” POTATO CHIPS. What RIGHT do you have to TELL ME what products SHOULD and SHOULD NOT make me FEEL GUILT? For example, your SOUR CREAM AND ONION chips remind me of the time at brunch that my NOW “EX”-girlfriend, CINDY, ordered a breakfast burrito, and I saw the cook SNIFFING THE SOUR CREAM TO SEE IF IT WAS GOOD, but DID NOT TELL CINDY. Then she RECEIVED FOOD POISONING. Furthermore! Your SALT AND VINEGAR chips smell like the HOUSE OF MY MOTHER who I didn’t talk to for SEVEN YEARS and then went to visit and discovered that she had developed a CAT HOARDING PROBLEM to cope with the ““LOSS”” of her SON (me).
Your “”BBQ”” chips do not cause any GUILT, but I DO NOT LIKE THE FLAVOR. Too much MESQUITE.
AARP Member, AAA Member
Previous In Regard To Letters:
Please join my sketch comedy group, DJ Faucet, for two nights of dark and absurd sketch comedy at the The Bootleg Theater in Los Angeles on October 3 and 4! The show is 8 pm, and tickets are $7 in advance, $10 at the door. If you saw our shows at the Comedy Central Stage or The Kirk Douglas Theater, know that this show is all new! KNOW IT IN YOUR HEART.
Can’t make it? Check out our regular monthly shows at iO West on October 5 and November 2.
I have been doing several things! For example, building a cardboard town for this video I wrote for DJ Faucet:
Additionally, I have two new food articles up on Table Matters. One is on why you shouldn’t eat at Dunkin’ Donuts (with a recipe for the absolutely kick-ass homemade maple-frosted donuts you see above) and the other is about locally produced cookbooks from the 70s and 80s, with an awesome recipe for “The Ribsticker” and a terrifying recipe for Gumdrop Bread.
My newest Table Matters column is up — it’s about the weird medical history of chocolate, and it features a recipe for chocolate cake spiced to help balance your four humors.